


The Brain Vomit Collection

by Noahffence



Category: Original Work
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Drabble, Drabble Collection, Gen, Joke fiction, POV First Person, polished shitpost, the T rating literally only comes from a single f-word
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:07:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24091825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noahffence/pseuds/Noahffence
Summary: It is just bright enough for me to see the light from the window highlight its (... or her?) face twisted in high disdain at me."Baked beans are okay", she mumbles at me.---This is a collection of everything that I deem too short to be posted on its own. Each chapter will have a short context explanation in the beginning notes.I hope you'll get something out of these too :d





	The Brain Vomit Collection

**Author's Note:**

> CONTEXT: an artist friend of mine posted a sketch of a barely-lit character making a disgusted facial expression at the viewer, with the text: "Baked beans are ok."

It is 4am.

The lights are out, but I am awake. Bored of my fruitless attempts to fall asleep, I decide to head to the kitchen for something to eat. The refrigerator's cool light offers me nothing but a view of neglected leftovers from a couple of days ago. I scan the other contents of the fridge for anything more appetizing, despite being fully aware that I'm running low on food at the moment. I sigh, making a mental note to go grocery shopping the next day. Dejected, I take out the leftover plate of baked beans out and place it on the kitchen counter. I stare at it, as if waiting for it to transform into something else.

My thoughts of fancy, mouthwatering alternative meals are interrupted by a creak of the floorboards. Knowing I live alone, I immediately think this is not good. I turn toward the direction of the sound, and am met with a dark figure. I hadn't turned the kitchen light on, since the darkness outside was already fading away. Thus, it is just bright enough for me to see the light from the window highlight its (... or her?) face twisted in high disdain at me. "Baked beans are okay", she mumbles at me.

"...What?" I ask incredulously, but the intruder doesn't answer me. Instead, she slowly swaggers over, still staring at me in disapproval. Not knowing what to expect from said intruder, I back away. But, it turns out, she wasn't approaching me. She was approaching my leftovers. She scoops a handful of them, shoves them in her mouth and reaches for some more. I can't see from this angle, since she is facing away from the natural light, but she's not being the least bit careful not to make a mess... Now I _definitely_ do not want those leftover beans.

As if sensing my mild disgust, she takes one last look at me over her shoulder, huffs, and then just... takes the plate with her. Okay. Alright. I guess I do have other plates to use. It's not a big deal to loose one. _Fine_. As if taunting me, my intruder makes it a point to lick the baked bean sauce off her hand as sloppily as possible as she backs away and out of my house with my beans. My nose wrinkles in more disgust.

What the fuck, lady.

**Author's Note:**

> I may be taking the piss out of these stories, but besides the subject matter I'm putting effort into the writing! I'm always down to hear some thoughts or critique if you have any! Thanks for reading!!


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